Why I Am Choosing to Ignore My Wife

I have been married for nearly seven years now and through those years I have learned a lot.

One lesson that recently improved my marriage was my decision to completely ignore my wife for a week.

Now, before you write me off as insensitively vain, hear me out.

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I met my wife when I was a Freshman in High School. I’d like to say it was love at first sight, but we tried out friendship first.

We were the best of friends for years and had so much fun together. I knew she was that something special in life that would make me look forward to getting up every morning.

I proposed and 6 busy weeks later we were married in the fall of 2008.

The months and years that followed were wonderfully exhilarating and full of lasting memories as we fell more in love together.

Eventually, the honeymoon stage of our relationship was phased out as real life challenges emerged and demanded our relationship to change. As any married relationship, we evolved as different trials and successes came in and out of your lives together.

At one point, we had been having more disagreements than normal. We had a hard time seeing eye to eye on a lot of issues and it was causing a lot of discomfort in our home.

Then, one evening, I found a piece of advice that would change how I would view my marriage for the rest of my life.

I had been reading a great book that discussed the importance of positive thoughts. The author described how the world around us is literally shaped by how we perceive it. Translation, whether the glass is half empty or half full, that’s up to us to determine.

Could it really be that simple? Could my struggling marriage improve by simply adjusting thoughts?

I wanted to find out.

My plan was to spend an entire week completely ignoring all of the negative aspects about my wife. For seven whole days I would avoid criticizing her and replace negativity with positivity – both verbally and mentally, no matter what.

I thought it would be easy, but I soon found out that I’m a pretty negative guy.

I noticed immediately the first day how my eyes were searching for what I referred to as “ways to improve.” I constantly noticed small things about her behavior that were insignificant and petty. They were things that had I been told to change in my life, I would be sadly offended.

This kind of nitpicky-ness had to stop and I needed to improve.

You cannot have a positive life and a negative mind.”                      – Joyce Meyer {Tweet This}

Once I recognized my negative mindset, I began waking up every morning by setting reminders to myself to see the positive. As I tried to reprogram my brain to see the positive and ignore the negative, I discovered how much positivity goes unnoticed on a daily basis. My wife does so much for me and I failed to see it because I focused on improvement and not on accomplishment.

My week progressed and I began to notice that the fighting and the bickering diminished in our home. We talked more and blamed less. Problems still arose, but we were able to better communicate which helped us find solutions as a team. I was happier and terrified at the same time because I had found the problem in our marriage…it was me.

Don’t get me wrong, no one is perfect. My wife still made mistakes during the week, but I came to understand that her mistakes weren’t important. What was important was that I loved her. We all have our shortcomings, but it’s when we look beyond those faults and see the good in the person we understand what true love really is.

Real love is not to constantly push another to change but to rather be an influence for good in all situations. It is to see a spouse’s true character and to love them for everything that they are, both good and bad.

I am grateful for what my week of positivity taught me. I was able to look at the bigger picture about my wife and marriage. I learned that when I focus on the positive things about my spouse I develop a greater sense of trust by knowing that her behavior comes from a place of love and not malice. I know that she will make mistakes because we all do but my commitment to see the good will expand my capabilities of anxiously seeking my wife’s well being.

To those who have fallen on hard times in your relationships, remember, it’s never too late to change. Before you assume the worst and give up, remember to look in the mirror. More often than not, our problems can be solved simply by understanding that we are the solutions to our own problems.

Be the solution in your marriage and take the challenge to ignore your wife today!

Tyson is a contributing writer to Today’s the Best Day. He is a husband and father to two of the most beautiful girls on the planet. He loves, football, spending time with family and providing valuable content to help others have the best day every day.

Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day!

February 11, 2015 by Danielle Davis | 2 Comments