10 Things Your Infertile Wife Wants You To Know

Marriage is hard work. And when you add in life’s hardest trials and most difficult days – it gets even HARDER!

We were sitting in that cold doctor’s office waiting for the doctor to come in. I was holding your hand as tight as I could. I was so scared to hear what was next.

Through my blurry, tearful eyes I looked up at the squeaky door as it was opening and saw the doctor in his white coat come in.

He sat down and looked us in the eyes so calmly. I can even still hear his voice. There are some sounds and words that you just never forget.

“I am so sorry. But it looks like your baby didn’t make it.”

That was when we cried. We sat and cried. And cried and cried some more together. What we thought was our miracle and would be the start of the best day of our lives – was shattered in an instant.

Infertility was something that we, as a couple, knew we were going to have to face. It was something that was real, but felt so distant. I personally feel like you truly don’t understand how it feels to struggle with infertility until you actually LIVE it.

For many years we prayed for a miracle. Test after test. Blood work after blood work. Procedure after procedure. Through one miscarriage, eight failed clomid rounds, three failed IUI’s and now as we embark on our second InVitro – I now know how hard it is on a relationship between a man and woman who want to be parents so badly.

Today I share with you, you amazing men who stand by our sides as we go through this most difficult time, 10 Things Your Infertile Wife Wants You To Know. These are the things your wife hopes you will always remember as you embark on this journey together.

Photo by Christine Olson Photography

YOU ARE LOVED: Not only are you loved, but she is your number one fan. When life gets hard, it is easy to be quick to anger and say things she doesn’t mean – but she loves you with all of her heart and is forever grateful that you are hers. Injecting herself with hormones and medications isn’t the most pleasant experience and those crazy pills can make you legit crazy – but no matter how many hot flashes she has, tears that are shed or patience that is tested {on your end and hers!} she thinks you are the BEST.

SHE KNOWS THIS IS HARD ON YOU TOO: Just as her heart is aching for a little baby to come into your family, she knows yours is aching as well. As she pleads on her knees in prayer for a miracle, she knows you have fallen to your knees for guidance and comfort too. After she opens the bathroom door from crying, she notices your blood shot eyes as well from the tears you have cried together. And although she is the one going through the testing, the shots, the pills, the ultrasounds and the procedures – she recognizes that you are there, holding her hand and feeling her pain.

SHE IS SORRY: Even though it isn’t her fault {and not yours either!} she is sorry that you have to go through this. She is sorry that it takes so much time, effort, devotion, money, patience, and love to get through this. She is sorry that the future isn’t guaranteed and that the unknown is scary, but knows if anyone can do this – it’s you!

IT’S OKAY TO BE SAD: We’re talking ugly, red faced, barely breathing, snotty cry festival. That’s okay! You two are going through something really, really hard. And a good cry together is actually a good and healthy thing. You don’t always have to be the tough guy. She wants you to show emotion and to show that you understand. She wants you to go to her whenever you need someone to talk to about it, because she understands you. And together, you can lift each other up.

HOLD HER HAND AND WIPE HER TEARS: The dishes may need to get done. The bed may need to get made. The floors may need to be swept and mopped. Dinner may need to be prepared. But none of that matters. Let the dishes pile and the floors be dirty, grab a pizza on the way home and be with her. Hold her hand and make her laugh. Let her know that she is the most important thing to you – and the little tasks around the house are the last things that she needs to worry about today.

TAKE HER OUT: It doesn’t matter if it is on a luxurious getaway island or a simple walk around your neighborhood – just get her out of that house! Take her to dinner, go see a movie, watch a sunset outside, grab her hand and take her away from her worries and stress. The thing about infertility is that it can kind of consume you if you think about it too much {and how can you NOT think about it all day long EVERY day!} – so do something fun and make a memory!

YOUR SUPPORT MEANS THE WORLD TO HER: Friends can show love by bringing treats. Her mom and your mom can show love by babysitting. Your siblings can show love by coming over to visit and being a listening ear. But YOU have the power to show the most love and support out of all of them. As her husband you have the opportunity to be there for her through every step of the way. In fact, you may even know her better than she knows herself. Do something that shows you have listened. Do something that shows you love. Do something that shows you are in this just as much as she is.

THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE: And don’t let her ever give up on that. Be there to catch her when she falls. Be that anchor when the storm comes in. And have faith yourself. KNOW that it can happen. KNOW that miracles are real. KNOW that you are meant to be parents. KNOW that everything happens for a reason. KNOW that timing is everything. KNOW that this is possible and that you and her are going to defeat this together!

IF SHE HAS TO GO THROUGH THIS, SHE IS SO GLAD IT IS WITH YOU: Infertility sucks. There – I said it. But you both were given this trial, and if she has to do this – she is dang happy that YOU are the one that is by her side. She can’t think of anyone else in this world that she would rather go through this with.

So hang on tight and never give up. Always remember that the best things in life are TRULY worth waiting and working hard for. That goes for your marriage and making that sweet baby.

You may also like The Truth About Your Infertile Friend, To The Woman Who Wants To Have A Baby and A Letter To My Daughter On Infertility.  

Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day!

April 26, 2016 by Danielle Davis | 1 Comment