There it is again.
That nagging feeling in the back of your mind that just won’t go away:
You should just give up because you will never be good enough.
Mom life is filled with instances in which you try to ignore this thought but sometimes, life can just be too much.
Sometimes, everything goes wrong and it all just falls apart.
For some, this surrender to self doubt is rare but for others this can happen so often it becomes a way of life.
A recent heartfelt email from a follower really touched me as she shared the painful discomfort she experiences daily due to low self confidence as a mom.
As I read her email, I felt the weight of her burden and saw the desire she had for others to understand her situation. She wanted to believe in her motherly instincts, but how could she without being confident in herself?
I wanted to reach through cyberspace and just give her a hug and fill her with all of my love for her! I know there are many out there like her that want to share their struggles with confidence and wish others could just understand why it is just so hard sometimes.
Low self confidence impedes on a moms’ ability to perform tasks that, to the majority of moms, are relatively easy.
Small things like saying hi to a stranger or simply getting ready for the day can prove to be herculean tasks when the haunting shadow of disappointment always seems to be hovering nearby.
Understanding what a mom with low self confidence goes through will help you be more patient, compassionate and empathetic. Your relationship with them will change as you see the world through their perspective. This is an insider look into what a mom struggling to have more self confidence wants you to know.
Photos in this article are by Christine Olson Photography
1. THEY ARE DOING THEIR BEST: I once heard that parenting is like jumping onto a moving train and trying not to die. There is no manual to parenting or life. We are all trying our best and one person’s struggle is another person’s strength. A mom struggling with confidence sees judgemental eyes and reads your body language. Forget the mommy wars and be a resource for help instead of a voice of disapproval behind her back.
2. PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT: Just as a baby takes its first steps and progressively learns to run, a mom has to learn how to be a mom. It’s not easy, but it gets better with practice. A mom working on confidence notices her failures more than her successes. Help her see the sun spots in her day instead of the clouds on the horizon.
3. THEY WANT FRIENDS FOR THEIR KIDS EVEN IF THEY DON’T HAVE MANY: At a young age, in order for a baby or toddler to have friends, the mom needs to have friends. Moms are the ones that set up playdates and activities with other children. But for the mom who is self-conscious it is hard to be the first to open her mouth with an invitation of friendship. So be a friend to EVERYONE. You never know what someone is going through or how they are feeling.
4. TALKING TO OTHERS IS PAINFUL: Ever wondered why the new mom just keeps to herself and doesn’t come to playgroup? There are many who are simply just waiting to be asked. Making initial contact with others can be truly difficult to some and is the reason why many moms with low confidence don’t talk to you before you talk to them. Going out of your way to share a simple hi can help boost her day and make her feel noticed and important.
5. THEY JUST WANT TO FEEL INCLUDED: You may not even notice, but what you share on social media impacts others. When moms see other moms getting lunch together or having play dates they assume their presence is an unwanted burden. Moms with low self confidence want to be included, but often struggle being involved.
6. THEY WANT THEIR KIDS TO SUCCEED EVEN IF THEY FEEL LIKE A FAILURE: Every day to a mom working on confidence is a hard day. Sometimes, even getting out of bed is a struggle for them. That doesn’t mean that they don’t hope the best for their children. They want their children to be happy and successful. They want their children to be included and independent. As a mom who has low self-confidence, the last thing they want for their children is to feel the way they do.
7. THEY HAVE DIFFICULTY BEING MOTIVATED: What’s the point in doing anything if you always do everything wrong? Motivation is hard to find when you are not confident. It isn’t that they don’t want to go to your child’s birthday party, they just have a hard time getting out of the house when they fear of not being perfect.
8. YOU CAN’T ANALYZE SOMEONE BETTER: Often times, individuals with low self confidence are analyzed by those closest to them. Discussions of good intentions trying to discover the solution to the problem are helpful but true self confidence is cultivated subtly over extended period of time. Encouraging positive actions is much more appreciated than abrupt interventions of positive thinking.
9. BIG GROUPS ARE INTIMIDATING: Feeling uncomfortable in social situations is common for those with low self confidence. They fear saying something wrong and with larger crowds things just get worse. At social functions with large crowds, don’t be afraid to be the hand of kindness that leaves the group to sit next to the mom by herself. She will be so grateful for it.
10. IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT POSITIVE THINKING: Sometimes a smile can be found by searching the internet for a quick meme or motivational thought but confidence is more than that. Confidence is a love of self and high level of trust in one’s ability to perform day to day tasks. Low confidence compels individuals to constantly and negatively compare themselves to others. Sharing a positive thought is great but it will not change a person until they decide to believe in and love themselves.
11. THEY FEAR THE JUDGEMENT OF OTHERS: We all make mistakes. None of us are perfect. The thing about being a good mom, is that there are a million ways to be one. So often women feel judged by what they wear, how their hair looks, if they put makeup on, what snacks they bring for their kids, if they breastfeed or formula feed, if they work or are a stay-at-home mom. By not judging and accepting each mom as they are, not only will other moms find happiness, but you will too.
Lastly, but probably the most important…..
12. A FEW KIND WORDS GO A LONG WAY: The mom with low-self confidence wants you to know that the little things can make a big difference. People may not remember exactly what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
You never know what another mom who lives next door or who simply passes you by at the grocery store is going through. We all have struggles and as you can see, a mom who is struggling with low self confidence wants and needs a friend. So next time you see her, ask her how she is and be the friendly face that brings the much needed smile into her day.
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Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day! 
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