17 Ways A Marriage Changes After The Baby

I was at work one day and was talking to a co-worker of mine. We were talking about our hopes and dreams for the future. Without hesitation, I told her that I wanted to be a mom! I couldn’t wait to hold that role and I never even thought twice about it… I was going to have a family one day.

Her response has stuck with me for a LONG time and pierced my heart.

She looked at me and said, “Why would you ever want a baby? They pretty much ruin your life – especially with your husband and marriage. You don’t get to do what YOU want to do anymore and all of your attention is on the baby. I NEVER want to have children.”

That was several years ago now, but I hear her voice like it was yesterday. It hurt me.

She didn’t know my struggles and everything that I had been going through trying to become a mom. I sat there and thought about it a lot though. The word ruin was so strong. The definition of ruin is actually “to be destroyed.” Was she right? Do children destroy our lives? Do they destroy our marriages?

My husband and I were married for nearly five years before we had our baby girl. Our life together was busy! We went to school, had full time jobs, vacationed all the time, had friends over for dinner, went on date nights and spent a lot of time together just the two of us. Some of my favorite memories of our life before parenthood, was the fact that we could pack our bags and just head out of town without a worry in the world. It was just the two of us and we were only responsible for ourselves.

Our marriage has never been perfect, but we have always tried our hardest. We love spontaneous trips to Sonic and Taco Bell at midnight. We love working out together at the gym. We love staying up late and watching movies. And we absolutely love playing games together – there is always time for a friendly competition!

When we found out we were pregnant, it was by far one of the happiest days of our lives. We were so excited to finally become parents! As the nine months went by, my co-worker’s words would come into my mind and I would think to myself, “Is our life together and marriage going to be ruined in a few months?!”

Sometimes it would scare me.

The day finally came and our miracle girl was born. I have to admit – I was changed. My husband was changed. WE were changed.

Before that day, we never knew what it felt like to love someone so quickly and so small. We had never been up for 48 hours straight in a hospital room. He had never had to assist me in getting up out of bed and had never had to hold me as I tried to walk to the bathroom in pain. He had never slept on an uncomfortable hospital couch with his jeans and shoes on {he was too tired to even take them off}. I had never laid in a hospital bed, looking at a precious baby. We had never felt the overwhelming joy a newborn baby brings into a family.

We soon took her home and time flew by. She learned quickly how to smile, sit up, roll over, laugh, crawl, open cupboards, dump boxes of toys everywhere, climb the stairs and walk. We found ourselves having to baby proof the house, cleaning up after her thirty times a day, feeding her meals, changing her dirty diapers, reading her books, singing songs, teaching her how to fold her arms during prayers and cuddling her to sleep.

Our lives were changed. But were they ruined? Has our marriage suffered because of having a baby?

Here are seventeen things… seventeen truths… seventeen changes, my co-worker actually should have told me about.

17 Ways A Marriage Changes After The Baby:

Photo by Art By Design LV

1. THE WAY YOU BECOME A TEAM: She said my hormones would be insane and I would want nothing to do with my husband, but nobody ever told me that together, you instantly become a team! Immediately. You need him and he needs you. You can’t do it alone and you appreciate every help you can get.

2. THE WAY YOU DATE: She said that date night would be nonexistent and to say goodbye to time just the two of us, but nobody ever told me that you can make it work! Date night CAN exist and you CAN make time for it. You will have to find a babysitter and maybe be home a little earlier, but date night doesn’t stop. It NEVER stops. In fact, it’s more important after the baby than ever before.

3. THE WAY YOU SLEEP: She said we wouldn’t sleep together and we would fall asleep at 6pm, but nobody ever told me that going to sleep at 6pm was sometimes a dream come true. That sleep would become something you would dream about and you would be grateful to fall asleep early with a man on your right side and a baby on your left.

4. THE WAY YOU FIGHT: She said we wouldn’t get along and I would get frustrated easily with how he changes diapers and heats the bottles wrong, but nobody told me that they were going to be silly, useless fights that didn’t even matter.

5. THE WAY YOU FORGIVE: She said the fights would happen, but nobody told me that when there is a baby involved, you try extra hard to get along, which means you learn to forgive quickly. You realize it doesn’t matter what onesie he chooses or how he did the dishes, because you’re just grateful he tried.

6. THE WAY YOU DRESS: She said I would stay in my pajamas all day and wouldn’t have the energy to dress to impress my man, but nobody told me that he would think I looked good no matter what I wore. That’s the beauty of marriage – he can see you at your worst and still think you are beautiful.

7. THE WAY YOU COOK: She said I would have to cook more because I would be in charge of feeding little babies too, but nobody told me that once you have a baby, you actually have the excuse to do whatever you want. You can go grab a pizza because you are just too tired to cook or you can have leftovers for days just because you feel like it.

8. THE WAY YOU TALK: She said we wouldn’t have time to talk to each other any more, but nobody told me that you actually DO have time to talk, it’s just a different kind of talk. Your conversation turns into topics about baby poop textures and smells, eating habits, crazy mommy moments that have to be shared and having dance parties as a family in the kitchen after dinner.

Photo by Brittany Busk Photography 

9. THE WAY YOU FLIRT: She said we couldn’t flirt after a baby, but nobody told me that flirting just doesn’t go away. It will always exist. In fact, there isn’t anything sexier than a man who gets up in the earlier hours of the morning with a baby to let the mama sleep a few more hours. That is MY kind of flirting!

10. THE WAY YOU TEXT: She said I would be too busy during the day to text my man, but nobody told me that we would definitely text, it would just be all about the mom life. {Click here for 15 Texts That Sum Up Motherhood}

11. THE WAY YOU GET INTIMATE: She said we wouldn’t have time for love, but whaaaat?! Who doesn’t have time for that!? Making out time is a priority and you can absolutely make time for that any day! Luckily, babies like to sleep. {wink, wink}

12. THE WAY YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY: She said we would spend all of our money on the baby, but nobody told me that when you are parents, all you WANT to do is spend your money on the baby!

13. THE WAY YOU SET YOUR PRIORITIES: She said my priorities would change, but nobody told me that the moment they lay that baby in your arms, you know that nothing else in this world matters, except for your family.

14. THE WAY YOU SHOW HIM LOVE: She said I wouldn’t get to surprise him like I did when we were childless, but nobody told me that you now have a partner in crime to HELP surprise him. That together, you and your baby can make him the happiest he has ever been!

15. THE WAY YOU WANT HIM TO SHOW YOU LOVE: She said I would be needy, but nobody told me that having a baby helps you realize that it is the little things that our men do that really matter.

16. THE WAY YOU LOOK AT HIM: She said I would look at him differently, but nobody ever told me it would happen so quickly. It happens the moment you see him hold that sweet baby in his arms for the first time. You think your heart is going to burst out of your chest.

17. THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM RIGHT NOW: She said our relationship would change. Our marriage would change. WE would change. But nobody told me, it was the best change I could have ever asked for. It was a change we dreamed of. A change we prayed for. A change that made us better. And a change that made our marriage stronger.

Things may be different, but no. NOT ruined. In fact, things are better. We are happier! Our lives are more joyful! And we wouldn’t have it any other way.

And to my co-worker, I wouldn’t say having children ruin’s our lives, yet they change our lives…for the better.

Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day!

July 13, 2015 by Danielle Davis | 4 Comments