It’s a fact; sometimes women are hard to love.
With enormous amounts of responsibility as a wife, life can be overwhelming at times.
Keeping track of who is doing what, when and where along with a bazillion (that’s bazillion with a “b”) other things constantly can make any woman seriously debate the advantages of pulling all of her hair out at the end of every day.
We’re not proud of it, but through the emotional roller coaster of diapers, discipline and daily doses of mommy drama, we wives can sometimes be a little bit……prickly.
Husbands, you know how it is.
You have a hard time knowing what to say or what to do when your wife is overwhelmed. You come home from work and navigate through the verbal minefield trying not to set off the explosion of emotion from the days happenings. I mean, true love is unconditional but it’s not easy to love someone who makes every day feel like a never ending battle.
So what are our husbands to do?
It’s highly unfortunate that husbands did not inherit the ability to mind read through the graces of evolution. How nice would it be for them to come home and just say the right thing to make all of the stress just go away for once…right?
Wouldn’t it be nice to have some sort of emotional cheat sheet that our husbands could use to help them, help us? If they could remember some of the things that we deal with every day, they would be able to know how much we really do love them, even if we do feel a bit overwhelmed at times.
20 THINGS FOR YOU TO REMEMBER THE NEXT TIME YOUR WIFE IS OVERWHELMED
Photography in this article is by our talented photographer, MS Wedding Image
1. YOU ARE HER PARTNER: Think back to your wedding day. The way you felt when you looked into her eyes and the way her smile just melted your heart! You married her for a reason. And she married you for a reason. Maybe it was your hilarious personality, your hard working nature, your kind character, your fun charisma, your romantic charm, your extremely good looks and/or your incredible connection that drew her to you. Whatever it was – she chose you and you chose her.
When hard days come, be her partner. Stand by her side and get through it together. Be her biggest fan and loudest cheerleader. Be her companion, her helper, her assistant and her friend.
2. SHE LIKES WHEN YOU LISTEN: Let her vent. Let her tell you her long, detailed stories you don’t really understand. Let her list off her “things to do” to you. And let her talk your ear off. Sometimes women just need to talk. They need to let it out and you are the lucky winner to hear all about it!
3. SHE WANTS YOU TO RESPOND {WHEN ASKED}: This is a tricky one. Sometimes she wants your opinion and sometimes, well… she doesn’t. Sometimes you just have to be the listening ear, but when the time comes when she asks for your advice, be there to give it. We know that you men have the best advice and insights about life’s craziest problems so we want to hear it!
4. SHE CAN’T STAND THE MESS EITHER: When you walk in the door and you trip over a stack of legos, can’t make it past the hallway because of a pile of laundry, dinner isn’t made and there are diapers scattered around the house – remember she doesn’t like it looking that way either. Instead of commenting on what you see, take note of your surroundings and get to her as fast as possible. Give her a hello kiss and don’t even mention everything you just saw.
5. SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU TO WAIT FOR HER TO ASK YOU: You don’t have to wait for her to tell you to take the trash out or unload the dish washer… you can just do it.
Why moms get overwhelmed
6. KIDS REALLY DO MAKE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND: It’s crazy – you may have heard her talk about “pregnancy brain” before? Well, Pregnancy Brain turns into Baby Brain which turns into Toddler Brain which then turns into Child Brain which then turns into Teenage Brain… and can be summed up as 100% “MOMMY BRAIN.” It’s a real condition and she can’t help it. She may get stressed. She may be forgetful. She may cry for no reason. It’s normal.
7. TO TELL HER YOU UNDERSTAND: Even if you don’t. 🙂 Your overwhelmed wife just needs a little bit of validation.
8. SHE LOVES TO FEEL IMPORTANT: So pump her full of compliments and love. I’m telling you – it’s what she needs to hear. Think about what your life would be like without her and everything she does – then let know that you can’t live without her! Help her realize that she is irreplaceable and is your one-and-only!
9. TO RECOGNIZE WHAT SHE HAS DONE: Women tend to focus a lot on what they haven’t done versus what they have done. With long lists of “Things To Do” they tend to see the many things they haven’t gotten to, rather than celebrating the things they checked off their list. So as the man, be that friendly reminder of the many things she HAS accomplished.
10. SHE WANTS TO BE THE BEST: She wants to be the best… for YOU. She wants to teach your children so they will be kind and brave. She wants the house to be clean so you can relax when you get home. She wants to go grocery shopping so you can have dinner tonight and breakfast tomorrow. She wants to finish the laundry so you have clothes to wear. She wants to have a clean car so you can sit in it without getting fishy crackers stuck to your pants. She wants to go to the gym and get ready so she can look good for you. She wants to be the best HER, for YOU!
11. THE SEXIEST THING YOU CAN DO, IS HELP HER: Not kidding, gentlemen. Forget about everything above – if you are looking for ways to be sexy for your lady, help her out. Play with the kids and make them laugh. {There isn’t ANYTHING hotter than a man who loves his kids!} Do the dishes without her asking. Scrub the bathroom toilets without her showing you it’s on her to-do list. When you show her you are there to help her, she will looooove you, if you know what I mean.
12. REMOVE HER FROM THE SITUATION: The best thing to do when you see your wife is overwhelmed or stressed, is to take her away from what is driving her crazy. If it is the kids, take her on a date. If it is the house, go on a family walk. If it is dinner, go out to eat. You get it.
13. SHE LIKES PHYSICAL TOUCH {EVEN IF SHE DOESN’T GIVE THAT VIBE}: Men sometimes think when their wives are overwhelmed and give off the “do not touch me” vibes, it really means to stay as far away from them as possible. This isn’t always true. Sometimes the thing your wife needs is actually a hand to hold. A hug to squeeze. Lips to kiss. A body to cuddle. A man to love.
14. SHE MAY FORGET YOU AREN’T A GIRL: Girls like girl talk. And if at a moment she feels like she doesn’t have any girls to talk to… you’re gonna be the girlfriend for a minute. She may need a fashion tip and she may need to share a big secret or gossip. It’s only because you’re her best friend and she knows you can handle it.
15. SHE MAY JUST NEED A NICE WARM BATH: Baths heal everything. Make it happen. Give her that space and time alone. It’s relaxing. It’s relaxing. And oh – did I mention it’s relaxing?
16. SHE THINKS YOU CAN READ HER MIND: You know that moment when she is overwhelmed and she is bouncing from one thing to another and suddenly she snaps at you because you didn’t do something she swears she asked you to do, but really she didn’t? Sorry about that.
17. SHE PROBABLY NEEDS A LAUGH: A good one, too! A real life, best friends, tummy aching laugh. Say that “thing” you know always makes her smile. Tickle her in that spot that makes her jump. Lighten the mood and show her that it’s okay to have fun!
18. SHE CAN BE BRIBED WITH MASSAGES: This is real. She will do anything for a massage. A foot massage. A head massage. A back massage. A leg massage. Oh, let’s not even start on a playing-with-her-hair-massage! Heaven on earth.
19. SHE STILL WANTS YOU: I promise. She wanted you yesterday. She wants you today. And she will want you tomorrow. Even when life gets a little hectic and she doesn’t know what day it is and calls people by the wrong names… she still wants you. In fact, she NEEDS you.
20. SHE STILL LOVES YOU: A lot. A whole lot. Even if she doesn’t show it exactly how you would like her to. Even if she is running around to activities, cleaning up after children and serving {what seems to be everyone in the world except you}… you are her number one. And she loves you. Don’t forget it.
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Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day! 
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Jamal
May 1, 2017 at 12:34 pm (8 years ago)Thank you so much for writing this article. Some of these things I knew, but some were eye opening. I now see that even though she appears to put everyone ahead of me, she really isn’t. Great stuff.
Jane Allen
June 17, 2016 at 12:23 pm (9 years ago)I love the part about saying you understand even when you don’t. I agree that sometimes, all a woman needs is some sort of validation. I know that about me. Even if I talk about a challenge, I’m not expecting a fix. I just want a validation which goes a long way in improving my mood. Thanks for sharing this! Was giggling all the way through it.
Bryant
May 18, 2016 at 4:54 pm (9 years ago)Thank you for sharing this. I just came across this as I was searching “what to do when wife is stressed.” I couldn’t acknowledge her yesterday evening, and it plagued me through the night. She had a rough day and I mowed the lawn after work, she vented afterwards like crazy and I shut down. This gives me hope and hopefully I can find ways to encourage her more. It’s hard because I feel like my support goes unheard, unfelt sometimes. I’m still learning, even after our boy being 1 now. But, anyways, thank you again!
Danielle Davis
June 7, 2016 at 9:48 pm (9 years ago)Hi Bryant. I am so sorry to hear that things are rougher than expected at home. Good for you for showing your love to your wife and for mowing the lawn. It’s always so wonderful to hear about a husband who goes the extra mile for his wife. Hope things get better!
Fatima
March 23, 2016 at 1:34 am (9 years ago)I agree with each one of these. I have the toughest time dealing with everyone and everything when I’m exhausted. It’s those days when my husband is home from work when I need an extra set of hands or even a hug that says I’m doing great.
As a mom of two, I swear it gets easier, but you’re a lot more exhausted as you continue to add to your family. I used to think one child was too much to handle. Try having a toddler and an infant. :/
But hey, every day gets better.
Megan
March 22, 2016 at 11:24 pm (9 years ago)This is spot on! Just forwarded it to my hubby!
J
April 9, 2015 at 8:02 pm (10 years ago)As a guy who read your article. I can make the whole 20 things we can do process a whole lot easier. Women, just say; I am overwhelmed, please help. 5 easy words and your 20 step combination your happiness will be soooooo much easier. To Paula, #5 doesn’t lead to #11. Only the stars aligning and whenever you want #11 lead to #11.
Chelsey
April 10, 2015 at 3:52 am (10 years ago)why not? Just curious…
Nathaniel
October 16, 2015 at 5:07 pm (9 years ago)Chelsey, I know that, for me, I will take the kids in the morning so that my wife can sleep in. I’ll cook breakfast, make coffee, do laundry, clean dishes, clean bathrooms, and make the kids laugh. When the kids go down for a nap, my wife lays down for a nap. My wife gets up when the kids do. Then I’ll make lunch and/or dinner. At the end of the day, I’ll put the more difficult, older child to bed, and then my wife will want to watch something on TV. She’ll talk about how tired she is, and then go to bed. The only time #5 leads to #11 is when I can spend hours and hours without kids, getting one or more zones in the house nearly spotless. Even then, there are no guarantees. A big part of it is that my wife is stressed (she is a teacher) and tired. All the time. I have to go way above and beyond to put a dent in that. So, I understand the frustration of J. #5 leading to #11 is not a scientific thing for us. Generally, it’s a necessary component (dirty house = stress for wife), but there are so many other factors that are out of our control that it ends up feeling like the stars and planets must align. In the mean time, somebody has to clean.
Josh
December 6, 2015 at 11:37 am (9 years ago)I can honestly say i agree with them. My wife gets extremely emotional and short 3 days prior to her monthly “unhappy time”. Typically it passes. Not this month, i’m on day 10 now. I’m not sure where shes gone but its getting old. Typically i would shut down and avoid contact at all cost, but I’ve been handling things differently over these last several months. I’ve cleaned the house, toilets, yard, garage, cars, and dogs. I’ve also showered her with compliments. Most of them get rejected, (she really is beautiful) I’ve taken her out, gave her massages, stopped pressuring her for sex, and took over most of the transportation needs for my daughter. Nothing! I work nights and i got up 2 hours early yesterday, did all the dishes made the bed, cleaned the kitchen from top to bottom, sent her some sweet i love you messages. She walked in noticed none of it, and attacked me cause something wasn’t right with her plans with the in-laws that i knew nothing about. I dont know whats going on with my sweat amazing wife but i sure would like her to relax a little…oh god forbid i ask her to take some deep breaths and try and calm down.
Kally Efros
April 8, 2015 at 5:41 pm (10 years ago)Great article. I would just add on the bath, which is so relaxing. My guy often will say (after years of training), honey go take a bath – I have everything else covered. But the bathroom is so dirty and the bath tub is terrible and needs a cleaning. On days like this, I don’t want to clean to relax. So guys – clean the bathroom, make some herbal tea, light a candle, and add relaxing music. Then I’ll jump in a heartbeat to the bath.
paula
April 7, 2015 at 6:55 pm (10 years ago)After nearly 19 years, I wish my man really. really understood that #5 leads to #11. Clearly I suck at training!