Hey y’all! I’m Jane, a 27 year old Las Vegas native! I was so excited Danielle asked me to share part of my journey to motherhood with all of you! At 18 I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis and after 8 surgeries, 3 failed rounds of IVF and a hysterectomy at 26 (all in 3 years i might add lol) ; My husband and I were finally able to bring home our perfect little boy 5 months ago all thanks to adoption!
I can’t tell you how many times in the last 4 years I was told to “just adopt”.
Can’t get pregnant on your own? Just adopt.
Fertility treatments are too expensive? Just adopt.
IVF didn’t work? You guessed it, just adopt!
After our third failed round of IVF it was medically necessary for me to have a hysterectomy. I was 26 years old and felt like my world was crumbling. I was terrified of adoption; What if my child doesn’t love me? What if no one chooses us? What if birth mom decides to parent and we lose everything?
I was faced with two options: Move forward in my life knowing I will never be a mother, or face my fears head on and open my heart to the beauty of adoption. Our adoption story is full of so much joy, but it is also full of fear and sadness, which was something neither my husband nor I was prepared for. So, here are 5 things I wish I had known going into adoption.
Photo from pexels.com
IT IS EXPENSIVE!!
When you look into fertility treatment pricing, clinics are very transparent about what each step will cost. Yet, when I sat down to try and get a good idea about cost of adoption I found that there are a lot of variables that come into play and that no adoption will ever cost the same amount as another. I’ve spoken to a few other adoptive mamas who estimated their total to be similar to that of a round of IVF, as for our adoption, it was over DOUBLE that cost!
THE HARDEST PART COMES AFTER BEING CHOSEN!
We’ve all seen the Friends episode where Monica and Chandler are chosen by birth mom. Happy music starts playing, and the next thing you know they’re walking in their front door (spoiler) as a family of 4.
Well, here in Nevada, birth moms are required to wait a minimum of 72 hours AFTER giving birth before signing relinquishment papers. Every state is different, some might be less and some may be longer, but those will most likely be the hardest and scariest part about this whole journey.
Our birth mother decided to change her birth plan at the last moment and asked if we’d like to be in the room during delivery (something that she originally didn’t want). I will always treasure the memory of getting to hold the hand of the courageous woman who brought our son into this world. Of getting to hear his first cries and watch as my husband was able to cut the umbilical cord. It was picturesque. However, the next 72 hours would be filled with visiting hours, leaving the hospital room empty handed at the end of each day, and listening while birth mom talked with her own mother about “maybe just taking the baby to a hotel”.
YOU WON’T AGREE WITH EVERY DECISION BIRTH MOM MAKES, AND THAT’S OKAY!
In all adoption cases, birth mom is the legal guardian of the child until she signs relinquishment papers. From prenatal care to birth plans, it is all completely her decision, and you should respect that. There are going to be things that happen along the way that will hurt or anger you. I remember one of the dumbest and most difficult things for me to swallow at the time was baby’s name. The whole time we were in the hospital everyone, including staff, had been calling baby by the name that we had chosen. Just minutes before being discharged birth mom was filling out the birth certificate, and without saying anything to us, completely changed his name. I remember being so confused and angry. Why would she do that? It wasn’t until later that I realized she needed to write the name she would have chosen so that she could have that special memory of her baby to hold onto.
BIRTH DAD
It took two people to make your beautiful child, so naturally both people need to sign relinquishment papers. Sometimes the birth fathers are known and choose to willingly sign over their rights (birth dads are allowed to sign at any time, even before baby is born). In our case, and it’s pretty common, birth dad was someone that birth mom didn’t know super well and had no way of getting into contact with him. What does this mean for adoptive parents? For us it meant having our sweet baby boy at home with us while our lawyer sought birth dad out. If he was not found within 4-5 months the courts would allow a termination of paternal rights. It also meant that at any time within those 4-5 months, birth dad could show up and take baby away. We were adjusting to being brand new parents and trying to enjoy every single day, while also being fearful that our baby was taken from us.
OPEN ADOPTION IS AMAZING!
It’s hard at times, writing letters and printing photos to send to birth mom every few months. There are always a million other things I need to be doing around the house, but in those moments I get to relive all of the milestones and precious little moments that are so fleeting.
From the beginning, the most important thing to ALL of us was that he grow up knowing that he was never unwanted or unloved. Instead, our sweet little boy will grow up knowing that he has two mamas that love him so incredibly much that they decided to work together to give him the best life possible. He will have the opportunity to get to know his birth mom, and ask her any questions that might be on his mind about himself or his beautifully unique story.
I know that some of what you just read probably sounded scary, and to some degree it is. But I promise, scaring you out of adoption is not my intention. Instead my hope is that helping you have as much information as possible will make it easier for you to enjoy the time you have with your spouse before baby arrives, and help you to enjoy your time and relationship with birth mom. We’ve had our sweet little boy for 5 months now, and were just one month away from finalization. I cannot picture life without him, and I owe it all to our wonderful birth mom and adoption!
Join the newsletter
Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day! 
Google+