The Changes a Baby Brings

I was at work one day and was talking to a co-worker of mine. We were talking about our hopes and dreams for the future. Without hesitation, I told her that I wanted to be a mom! I couldn’t wait to hold that role and I never even thought twice about it… I was going to have a family one day. Her response to me has stuck with me for a LONG time and pierced my heart. She said, “Why would you ever want a baby? They pretty much ruin your life – especially with your husband and marriage. You don’t get to do what YOU want to do anymore and all of your attention is on the baby. I NEVER want to have children.”

That was several years ago now, but I hear her voice like it was yesterday. It hurt me. She didn’t know my struggles and everything that I had been going through trying to become a mom. I sat there and thought about it a lot though. The word ruin was so strong. The definition of ruin is actually “to be destroyed.” Was she right? Do children destroy our lives? Do they destroy our marriages?

Photo credit to Elegant Images Photography

Tyson and I were married for 4 years before we had Laila. Our life together was busy! We went to school, had full time jobs, vacationed all the time, had friends over for dinner, went on date nights and spent a lot of time together just the two of us. Some of my favorite memories of our life before Laila was the fact that we could pack our bags and just head out of town without a worry in the world. It was just the two of us and we were only responsible for ourselves.

You have to understand that Tyson and I have always been best friends. I have never met anyone that I could be with ALL day, EVERY day and never get sick of. I have always loved the weekends because that is our time together. When I am with him, everything just feels good. We love spontaneous trips to Sonic and Taco Bell at midnight. We love working out together at the gym. We love staying up late and watching movies. And we love playing games together. I love him and he loves me. It works out nicely. 🙂

When we found out we were pregnant, it was by far one of the happiest days of our lives. We were so excited to finally become parents! As the nine months went by, my co-worker’s words would come into my mind and I would think to myself, “Is our life together and marriage going to be ruined in a few months?!” Sometimes it would scare me and sometimes I would ignore it and carry on with my life.

The day finally came and Laila was born. I have to admit – I was changed. Tyson was changed. WE were changed. Before that day, we never knew what it felt like to love someone so quickly and so small. We had never been up for 48 hours straight in a hospital room. He had never had to assist me in getting up out of bed and had never had to hold me as I tried to walk to the bathroom. He had never slept on an uncomfortable hospital couch with his jeans and DC shoes on {he was too tired to even take them off}. I had never laid in a hospital bed, looking at a precious baby. We had never felt the overwhelming joy a newborn baby brings into a family.

We soon took her home and time flew by. She learned quickly how to smile, sit up, roll over, laugh, crawl, open cupboards, dump boxes of toys everywhere, climb the stairs and walk. We found ourselves having to baby proof the house, cleaning up after her 24/7 {at least it felt like it}, feeding her meals, changing her dirty diapers, reading her books, singing songs, teaching her how to fold her arms during prayers and cuddling her to sleep.

Our lives were changed. But were they ruined? Has our marriage suffered because of having a baby? This past year we haven’t been on spontaneous trips, worked out together or gone to get midnight snacks together. BUT let me tell you this…We still get to go on vacations – Instead of packing our bags and leaving town spontaneously, we just plan them months in advance to be sure we have everything set for Laila. We still get to work out – Instead of working out together at the gym, we go separately so one of us can watch the baby. We still get to have our midnight treats – Instead of going to random runs to Taco Bell and Sonic together, one of us stays back. Things may be different, but no. NOT ruined. In fact, things are better. We are happier! Our lives are more joyful!

Photo credit to Ms.Photographer

I personally believe that our marriage has been strengthened this year by keeping these three points in mind.

The first thing, is TEAM WORK. Parenthood is something we work on… TOGETHER. She is OUR little girl and it is a team effort. I always get a lot of compliments about my husband and how he treats Laila. I am not the only one that sees it, even strangers do. Tyson LOVES being a dad. He cherishes his role and recognizes what a privilege it is to be a father. He enjoys taking Laila out on daddy-daughter dates, tickles, cuddles, reading her books and just spending TIME with her. I am grateful that he loves being a dad and I recognize what a blessing he is in my life.

The second is TIME AWAY. When Tyson is at work and I have time with Laila alone, it makes me MISS him. I can’t wait for him to get home and be with us! I believe distance does make the heart grow fonder. I also think it is important to take some time for yourself. Men and women both have things they love to do and it is important to get out of the house. I have appreciated when Tyson has offered to watch Laila so I can go to a Girls Night with friends or run to the store alone. We need to keep our spouse’s needs in mind and make sure they are met. If Tyson wants to play his crazy games on ps3… I need to let him. I know the importance of doing what we want and giving each other that “ME” time.

The third is TIME TOGETHER. This is the most important. Once Laila was born, it was easy to get wrapped up in HER – and rightfully so. She was our little angel and we needed to take care of her. The first few months we loved the cuddles and rocking her to sleep every night. It was our FAVORITE thing and I am so glad that we did that! BUT, the best thing for our marriage was when we put her on a schedule. When she was about 6 months old, we got her into a bedtime routine. We gave her a bath, read a story, sang a song, said a prayer and went to sleep. She has been doing this for over 6 months now and bed time is her favorite time! And in return, we love that once she is asleep we have US time. We get to spend a few hours together just the two of us every night before bed. It has been wonderful. I highly suggest still doing your favorite things you love to do together as well. You may have to tweak it a little bit like we have on our Sonic runs, but just because you have a baby doesn’t mean you can’t have fun together!

Tyson and I can not imagine our life without Laila! Starting a family has been the biggest blessing in our lives – and the best thing for our marriage. I hope we all can remember how precious these spirits are in our homes. Know that hard days will come, but tomorrow is a new day.

And to my co-worker, I wouldn’t say having children ruin’s our lives, yet they change our lives…for the better.

 

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Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day!

January 10, 2014 by Danielle Davis | 13 Comments