Hey Besties! I am Heidi Hodgkinson. I love all things Disney and Harry Potter. I have six nieces and nephews and they are my world. I love to travel but unfortunately don’t get to as much as I would like. This picture from one of my favorite trips, reminds me to reach for the stars and one day my name will be on a star! I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure in July of 2016 from a medicine I was on for Crohn’s disease. My heart was so weak that in September and November of 2017 I went into cardiac arrest a total of seven times. I was shocked a total of 22 times between those seven by my defibrillator. This all happened the year before I turned 30. They will eventually put me on the heart transplant list but until I am to that point I am trying to live life to it’s fullest and enjoy life’s up and downs because I may not always have that opportunity. I have always felt the need to share my story and try to help others who are struggling with whatever it may be health issues or other life challenges. I am so grateful for this opportunity to share my story. I started an instagram page to help show others that it is ok to struggle, how to cope, still allowing yourself moments of being real and acknowledging your suffering. My page is heidis_heart_journey if it would help anyone you know.
Here are six steps to help you cope with an illness or any trial you may be going through.
THERE IS POWER IN VULNERABILITY
Sometimes it is so hard to be vulnerable. To say to someone I am struggling. There is almost a stigma in the world that makes us feel weak to admit. This is a lesson I just learned for myself to say that I am not ok, I am scared, and I need help. Admit when you are having a hard time and let others help. Once I did this and was vulnerable, not only did I feel better, but others knew how to help me and how I was feeling. My relationships became stronger and it opens the door for others to share as well. Never feel weak for being yourself and expressing how you feel.
IT’S OK TO NOT BE OK
Sometimes in this world we have to put on the best. We aren’t allowed to be real. We have to act like everything is great. Everyone’s social media paints this wonderful picture of a life that is only partially real. It is only the best moments of our life.
While we all have those moments, life is not always full of those moments. We all have ups and downs, good days and bad days. Yes, we need to be positive and show the good but I don’t think we should be afraid to show the real. The “I am barely hanging on” and this is real life. It is ok to tell people that you are struggling. It is ok to say I am struggling now but it will get better.
In sharing real we help not only others who are struggling but we are being true to ourselves. We are allowing ourselves to process what is happening. When we bottle things up it only makes things worse.
After I went into cardiac arrest in November I was still trying to work. It was not going well and I was out of time off from work and was not getting better. In May of 2018 I had to quit my job so I could stay home and get better. It was a hard transition where I withdrew and told everyone and myself it was fine, I was fine, everything was fine. It was not and I became more and more distant. It took a long time for me to admit that everything was not fine and that it was ok and to ask for help. Once I did that burden was made so much lighter and I was able to work through all the pain. It is a daily process but know it is ok to have bad days.
COME TO TERMS ON YOUR OWN TIME
So many times people who mean so well want you to “get over it already”, or ask “Oh, you are not better yet?” Again, these are well meaning people who probably don’t mean it how it sounds. W
e all mourn, grieve, heal and process at different speeds. It took me forever to be able to be thankful for my trials and be able to pray in gratitude for the person I have become because of them. It was a process and I had to do it and no one else. Never let anyone dictate how you deal with anything. I still have bad days and weeks. I still struggle and wish my life was different, but for the most part I have come to terms with my life and learned to love it for what it is, not matter how hard it is.
BE POSITIVE BUT DON’T BE AFRAID TO HAVE BAD DAYS
Always try to be positive but know that it is ok to have bad days and to show that you are having a bad day. I always try to bring it back to a positive when I mention I am having a bad day for myself, but never feel like you have to do that for others. Remember it is about being real. I used to hate it when people said I handled my life so well and I was so positive. I remember thinking, “you only see one side if you only knew what was going through my head or how much I complained to my family you wouldn’t say that.”
I went through a time when I wasn’t thankful to be alive and that my defibrillator saved my life, that was not being positive. I felt like a huge fraud. Looking back they probably knew that it wasn’t all roses and I wasn’t positive all the time. I would be having a bad day and they would ask how I was and I would just shrug and say ok. I learned to say how I was really doing and they still said I was so positive. I learned that you can still be real and positive but show that you are having a bad day.
LEARN TO LOVE LIFE AND ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGES
It is a hard lesson in life to learn how to love your life when you have gone through and are going through something so traumatic. I was shocked by a defibrillator and it felt like a bomb was going off inside of me. I have severe PTSD and I will eventually have to have a heart transplant. With heart issues not everyday is guaranteed. I could be gone tomorrow. My medicine that stops cardiac arrest is causing side effects, so I am currently going off of it and will be in the hospital while they adjust my medicine in case I go into cardiac arrest again.
How can someone in my shoes love life and accept my challenges? Remember I wished I hadn’t lived through what I did and was not positive about it. Eventually, I found my reason and realized I have a purpose and that I was happy I survived. For me it is through support of family and friends and my faith. My Heavenly Father has not left me and he has a plan for me. Once I realized this and turned it over to him my whole life changed. It isn’t about what I want it is about what I need.
My life is not what I planned but I learned that it is so much more. I finally learned the beauty of my life. I may never be married or have kids like I always dreamed and my life is different, but I found a different kind of beautiful. I have learned to love everyday as if it is my last. Some days go better than others and most I usually am resting the whole day, but I always try to make the best of everyday and that is truly what life should be about. Find your meaning in life whether religious or otherwise and let it lead you to peace.
LEARN TO BE GRATEFUL FOR THE PERSON YOUR CHALLENGES MADE YOU
I have finally learned to be grateful for the person I am because of my health issues. I am strong, brave, resilient and can do anything. These are things I wouldn’t know about myself if I had not been pushed to the brink. I am a better person and I have grown so much. It took me a long time to see the good in my trials and to be able to appreciate how I have grown. I have learned things about myself that I would never know and accomplished things I would of never known I could do if I hadn’t gone through my trials. I am not perfect and am still learning and growing but I am proud of being able to come through such hard times and to not be curled up in a ball crying all day in bed. Which I did do for a long time so I have come a long way.
If you are struggling remember it is a process. Reach out, let people help you and know that people love you and everything will work out. Find your support system and let them help. It may not be how you want it to be but take your time to adjust and accept life as it is. You are strong and you can do more than you think you can. You have got this!!!!
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Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day! 
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