Dear Mom, The Number Of Kids You Have Doesn’t Matter

I bet you could be a millionaire.

If you were handed a dollar every time you were asked “When are you going to have another baby?” Wouldn’t you be one?

Oh mama, I have been there. In fact, I AM there.

As a mom of a three-year-old, I get asked almost daily this simple question. It comes in all different forms and most of the time, with no intention to be hurtful or negative.

“I think it is time for you to get busy!” 

“How much longer are you going to wait until you have another baby? Time is ticking!” 

“Don’t you want her to have siblings?”

“Two to three years is the perfect gap between children – aren’t you going to start trying?” 

“Are you pregnant yet?!” 

Photos by Christine Olson Photography 

To the world I am a mom. I have a healthy, happy, often times quiet and extremely shy three-year-old. She is easy to please, a joy to be around and makes us laugh on the daily. So why in the world wouldn’t I be pregnant yet with my second? By now, in their eyes, I should be on my third or fourth!

I have been thinking about these questions and asking WHY?! Why would someone ask me when I am going to have another baby? WHY do they care? WHY do they expect me to have another one? WHY would they say that, not knowing what I have been through? And then I realized…

They weren’t in the room when I was sixteen, holding my moms hand as the doctor came in to tell me that I most likely wouldn’t be able to have children of my own. They then weren’t in the room when I broke the news to my soon to be fiancé, thinking he wouldn’t want to marry me anymore because I couldn’t make him a dad.

They weren’t in the room when I found out I was pregnant… ON MY OWN and they weren’t in the room when my little baby didn’t have a heartbeat any longer. They weren’t in the room when we went through fertility treatments, shots, surgeries and tests. And they weren’t in the room when I cried. And my husband cried. And my mom cried. And the doctor did too.

They weren’t in the room when I decided to try again. And they weren’t in the room when we found out that miracles happen. They weren’t in the room when I held my miracle in my arms – and they weren’t in the room when I realized she was all I needed.

Every family is different. Every mom is different. Every situation is different. What might be hard for me, may be easy for you. And what you may struggle with, might come easy to others.

Maybe you are the mom who is waiting for her miracle, who hopes to one day get pregnant and to feel a baby move inside of you. The one who dreams of sitting in a doctor’s office, hooked up to an ultrasound and seeing that little heart beat for the very first time. The one who is willing to pay thousands of dollars for treatments, procedures and medication to become a mom again. The one who falls to her knees, when she sees another negative pregnancy test and the one who feels like giving up, but something inside of you keeps hanging on to that little chance that a miracle is around the corner.

Maybe you are the mom who’s pregnancy is awful and you throw up just thinking about being pregnant again. Through nine months of sickness and nausea, you know your body and you know it can’t go through it all again. The one who goes back and forth with the idea of growing your family. The one who wants to hold a sweet newborn baby in your arms again, but knows your body just can’t handle it.

Maybe you are the mom who has been told you won’t be able to have any more children – not by your choice. The one who sat in a doctor’s office and was told to sit down as they go over test results with you. The one who didn’t feel like their last pregnancy was going to REALLY be their last pregnancy. The one who has dreams of becoming a mom again, but wakes up to realize it isn’t reality. The one who has to mentally tell yourself that everything is going to be okay and that your little family is what is meant to be.

Maybe you are the mom who is crying in your closet because you don’t know how you can handle another day. With so many children running around, you desperately need a break. A LONG break. The one who hides in the bathroom just to get thirty seconds of quiet time and little fingers slip under the door and voices yell, “MOOOM!” The one who is constantly needed, constantly on her feet, constantly serving others and constantly not thinking about herself.

Or maybe you are the mom who feels her family is complete. The one who knows she doesn’t need anymore children and her family is perfect as it is. The one who knows what she can handle and is confident in her family – whether that is one child or ten.

In the end, it doesn’t matter how many kids you have. Whether you have one or seventeen.

What matters?

The very fact that you are a mom. YOU are a MOM. Do you realize what an incredible role you hold?!

Being a mom means you put someone else’s needs in front of yours on a daily basis. Being a mom means you hold the most essential and eternal role that exists. Being a mom means late nights and early mornings, forgetting to get yourself ready because you were too busy getting the little ones ready. Being a mom means hard work, lots of tears, a million smiles, loud belly laughs, a few gray hairs, unshaved legs, half-put-on make-up, and messy houses.

The number of kids you have doesn’t matter. So next time someone pops you the question about your growing family – just let them know that you are a mom. And your family is PERFECT the way it is.

“A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.” – Franchesca Cox

Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day!

July 27, 2015 by Danielle Davis | 3 Comments