Happiness Through Trials

To most people, I come off as an extremely happy person! I love having fun! I love being with people! And I try to just love LIFE! When I talk to other people who aren’t as “happy” as I am – I tend to look at my husband and say, “Um…she was NOT nice!” and he always has to remind me, “Not EVERYONE is like you, Dan.”

I remember a few years ago I was at work and someone asked me, “Why are you always SO happy?” I honestly didn’t know how to answer! I was actually in the middle of one of the hardest trials in my life at the time and I didn’t feel 100% happy…AT ALL! It was at that moment that I realized, I was happy on the outside, but deep inside I was in pain. I was sad. I was aching to be a mother and in reality, test after test was telling me that wasn’t going to be possible. 

Each of us have trials. EVERY single one of us. Our trials may be different, but we each will have those dark days of feeling alone and sad. My sister and I always talk about how different our trials are. She is a beautiful mom to five perfect children! Her trial is definitely not infertility. 🙂 She struggles with other trials in her life at this time, while my husband and I pray everyday that one day we will be able to provide just one sibling for Laila. Even though our trials are complete opposite, we each have had to work our way through hard times.

I have come up with a list of seven things that can help us find happiness through trials.

{Thank you to my beautiful cousin, Jesse, for being my model for this post. She is such a great example to me of finding happiness through trials and life}

1. IT’S OKAY TO CRY: I use to think crying was a weakness. I thought that when I cried it was showing I wasn’t strong. I have learned, that is not the case. Crying is healthy! Crying is good for you! Crying is OKAY! Sometimes, especially as women, we feel overwhelmed with everything we are juggling in life. Every now and then a good crying session is all you need. 

2. FOCUS ON YOUR “TA-DA” LIST: I wrote about this amazing idea that Meg Johnson shared at a conference I attended a few months ago and I truly believe in it! We have LISTS of things to do and things to accomplish on a daily basis, but throw those away. At the end of the day, instead of a “to-do” list, make a “TA-DA” list of everything you accomplished. It will make you feel so good to see what you actually DID do, rather than focus on the things you did not do. 

3. REALIZE THAT NOBODY’S LIFE IS PERFECT: When I was struggling with infertility, I thought everybody’s lives were perfect…except mine. It seemed to me that EVERYONE was pregnant. That EVERYONE had a happy marriage. That EVERYONE was getting promoted. That EVERYONE was buying a new house. Those things are not true. Life is not perfect. Nobody’s life is perfect. Don’t compare yourself to other people you see on Social Media. You only see a little bit of their daily lives. 

4. SMILE EVERY DAY: This was a goal that I set years ago and I continue to live by it to this day. Find a reason to smile – every. single. day. Read a funny article. Watch a silly video clip on YouTube. Be with someone that makes you laugh. Smile at a stranger. I know that when we put smiles on our faces, we feel happier. Even if we ache, a smile can only make us feel at least a little better. “Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great purpose in heart.” – Gordon B. Hinckley

5. ASK FOR HELP: Whether it is a spouse, a friend, a co-worker or even a professional – you can always ask for help. I love talking to people! There is something about that one-on-one communication that helps me get my feelings out. I always feel better after I talk to someone about my trials. Don’t hold it in – seek help and guidance. There is always someone to lean on and to give you the support you need. 

6. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE: This is one of the most important points that we can always remember as we go through trials in this life. I believe there are people in our lives for a reason. We are here to help each other and to support each other. If you feel like nobody is there physically, I do know you can always pray to our Father in Heaven, who hears and answers each prayer. 

7. CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY: Last, but certainly not least, is our very own choice. Every morning we wake up, we have the opportunity to be sad or to be happy. Let us all choose to be happy. No matter the trial, no matter the heartache… we can find happiness and joy. 

I was looking back at a journal entry that I wrote before Laila was born. As many of you know, I struggled with infertility for many years before we were blessed with our miracle baby. You can read our full story here. I would like to share with you what I wrote: 

“I have learned that life is not easy. It is actually kind of hard sometimes! I have learned that things do not always go the way we plan… in fact, they rarely do. If plan A doesn’t work, then we go on to plan B…or C… or D. Luckily, there are a lot of letters in the alphabet so we can just keep changing plans if needed. I have learned that patience is important. It is something I don’t have much of and is an attribute I think I will always have to work on. I have learned that when life is too hard to stand, to kneel. This is a quote by President Hinckley, but I have learned that it is true. I remember specific moments when I would walk in the door from a doctor’s appointment, crying my eyes out and before I could do anything, I would drop to my knees in prayer. I know that I couldn’t have gone through everything I have, without getting on my knees. I have learned that trials can bring us closer to the ones we love. Tyson and I have a special bond now that we have gone through this, a bond that may not have been there had we had a baby 4 years ago. I have learned that everything happens for a reason. It sounds cliche, but it is a fact. I have learned that every prayer is answered. It sometimes isn’t answered immediately and it sometimes is answered differently than we would like, but I have learned that He is there and He does comfort us when needed. I have learned that I have a lot to work on. I am not perfect and can do a lot better. I have learned that baths heal everything. If I don’t feel good because my stomach hurts or if I am just really tired – a warm bath makes me feel SO much better. Who needs medicine when you have a bath? I have learned to have FUN when things don’t go my way. For every negative pregnancy test that came our way, we would throw it in the garbage and go get ice cream or something! Tyson was much better at this than I was, but he helped me see the good in things. I have learned to never give up. There were times that I wanted to. There were times that I DID. After our failed IUI treatments, I told Tyson that I guess I wasn’t supposed to be a mom…ever. I needed a little bit of time to heal, but luckily I was able to pick myself up and try again a year later. Never give up. I have learned to choose to be happy during our trials. I truly believe it is okay to be sad during hard times. I cry all the time and I think that is totally fine and healthy! I don’t like crying because I look so ugly, but I think it helps me get my feelings out. But after a little while of crying or anger or sadness, I have learned how important it is to pick myself up and to carry on with a smile. Life is a lot more fun when I smile! I have learned that anything is possible. Don’t let anyone tell you that you “CAN’T” do something. Yes, you can. It may take a lot of sacrifice and hard work. It may take a lot of time. But anything is possible. I have learned that miracles happen. I have one kicking me inside right now. I have learned to be grateful. We will always have trials and hard times come our way, but it seems like to me after the craziest bumps we experience, the most incredible blessings come.”

I once heard of a gentleman who was diagnosed with a horrible disease. Much like me, he was upset and becoming very discouraged about what his life was becoming. That is when he decided he would allow a few minutes every morning to have a personal pity party for himself. He was able to feel bad or sad for those moments about his disease and health. Once a few minutes passed, he would pick himself up and stay positive the rest of the day. He would make every day a great day, but needed those few minutes to get his sadness out.

We all will need our few moments to be sad. We may need a minute to cry out our tears. But only YOU, for yourself, can decide if you are going to be sad or happy each day. I am going to choose to be HAPPY… even if I do need to have a little pity party each morning. 🙂

In answer to my co-workers question, I am happy because I choose to be. I know that our trials can make us stronger! In fact, without having those things that get us down or drive us crazy, we really wouldn’t be able to experience the true joy and happiness in life because we wouldn’t know the difference! 

“Be believing, be happy, don’t get discouraged. Things will work out.” – Gordon B. Hinckley

Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day!

April 30, 2014 by Danielle Davis | 20 Comments