First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage, Then Comes The Baby In The Baby Carriage – How To Put Your Marriage First

We all remember the famous song we use to sing on the playground in elementary school, when a boy and a girl liked each other.

“Dani and Tyson kissing in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage.”

And then we would run away, giggling because we thought we were SO funny! I remember singing it to my older siblings when they had friends of the opposite sex come over. I remember singing it to my parents when they would kiss in front of us, to make it not awkward. And I remember the first time my little sister sang it to ME when I got my first boyfriend.

Many years have gone by and I have fallen in love, gotten married and the baby in the baby carriage has come. It sometimes feels like a dream – that song has actually come true for me! And it has come true for many of you too!

Photo by our talented photographer, Canico Studios

In a sense though, sometimes in our busy lives, the words could be switched. Does our love and marriage always come before our hobbies, our jobs or our children? Our priorities through the years seem to alter and our marriages don’t seem to always come first. In some cases the song could be sung, “First comes work, then comes the gym, then comes my family if I have time.” OR it could be “First come the kids, then comes my friends, then comes my man who I sometimes forget.”

I am not an expert when it comes to this, but it is something that I am working on 100%. I have heard from many of you and have seen it in my own life, where our children seem to be taking up 99% of our time, and by the time we have 1% left, we need it for ourselves {to sleep, to eat, to relax for 5 minutes} and slowly do not have time for our other half.

According to apa.org 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States end up in a divorce. For many different reasons of course – but what if we could lower that percentage just a little, by setting our priorities and putting our marriages FIRST, like the song?

When a baby comes, marriages change. Husbands and wives become exhausted. Finances get tight. Date nights can disappear and alone time becomes few and far between. And by choosing to put your marriage first, isn’t choosing your man over your children. In fact, by choosing to put your marriage first, it will have a positive impact on your children. Because a healthy marriage, is the best thing you can give to your children.

So, how do we keep our love and marriages first?!

1. ALWAYS BE A TEAM: No matter what. Whether it is decision making, parenting, working, playing, household jobs or finances – work together. Communication in marriage is key. Support each other. Uplift each other. And always have his/her back.

2. HAVE CALENDAR TIME: Set aside a day once a week to plan out your schedule. This is not only a great way to get organized, but it is the best way to hear what is going on in each of your lives. Schedule in a date night. Schedule in time to eat a meal together. Schedule in a few minutes every day to be together. Support one another in what each of you have going on and try to be flexible so you can make your calendars work together.

3. SPEND TIME TOGETHER DAILY: My husband and I use to have completely OPPOSITE schedules and we would NEVER see each other – it was so hard! BUT, for the 20 minutes we did get to see each other every night at 1am, it was priceless. We treasured that little time because we didn’t get much of it.

Often times we can be physically together, but not mentally together. We may be sitting on the same couch or laying in the same bed, but we become so zoned into our phones, television, computers, iPads or xbox that the little time we have together dwindles away right before our eyes. Some couples suggest to put your phones in a specific place at night so they aren’t a temptation to look at and just BE together. Some couples suggest to play a game or read a book together, so you are actively doing something with your time. Click here for a list of fun things to do after the baby goes to bed!

4. BE NICE: Sounds easy enough, right?! WRONG. Sometimes being nice to our spouse is the hardest person to be nice to. We get comfortable with them and it becomes easy to fault-find, be negative and criticize. Try to focus on the positive. Compliment him as often as you can. Say I love you… all the time.

5. GO ON A KID-FREE GETAWAY: This can actually be really hard…especially if you are anything like me. BUT I have slowly learned the importance of alone time with my man. If you can’t go on a trip just the two of you, look into a staycation in a hotel near your home or even just a date night out for a few hours. The connection you feel when it is just the two of you will be memorable. You will feel free! You will have fun! And that one-on-one time will be priceless.

6. TREAT YOUR SPOUSE LIKE THE DOG: I know this sounds silly. When I first heard it I was like, “WHAAAAT?!” But my friend told me it once, and I can’t take the credit. Just like the dog: Greet him at the door when he comes home. Be excited to see him and give him a kiss. Cuddle next to him when he sits on the couch. Sit by him when he eats dinner. Don’t hold a grudge when one of you makes a mistake. And lastly, be his very best friend.

7. THERE’S ALWAYS ROOM TO IMPROVE: Lastly, always remember that nobody is perfect. He isn’t perfect and neither are you. So many times we may find ourselves in “auto-pilot” as we coast through life. We are content where we are, somewhat happy and don’t see any need to improve. Always remember we can all become better. We can all love more deeply. We can all be a little more patient. We can all be a little more kind. We can all be a little more loving. And in return, we will all become a little more happy.

Our babies are precious and special little gifts – we should always love them and cherish every minute with them! But always remember the one who helped get you where you are today. The one who helped get those little ones in your life. The one who supports you, helps you and loves you.

One day our children will be grown and it will be just and our spouses again – we may even hear our grandkids singing, “K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!” And you can look over at your man and smile, knowing that you remember that song… and that you always kept your love and marriage first.

Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day!

October 24, 2014 by Danielle Davis | 1 Comment