Is IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) For You?

I ran into my house and slammed the door. Tears were running down my face uncontrollably. My mom was visiting from California and was sitting on our front room couch waiting for me to come home from work. I saw her and fell into her arms and cried. She held me tight and cried with me even though she didn’t know what was wrong yet. “I AM NEVER HAVING A BABY!” I yelled through my blood shot eyes and dehydrated throat, full of anger and sadness. Tears filled my mom’s eyes. She knew what had happened. My third round of IUI had failed. As a mom I can imagine what was going through her mind as she held her little girl during such a difficult time.

I was confused and didn’t understand why my prayers weren’t being answered. We had been trying for three years to have a baby at this point and it hadn’t happened yet. I was frustrated that such a wholesome, God-like, GOOD desire in my heart wasn’t being fulfilled. This was the end of it. I was never going to do a fertility treatment again. My body couldn’t take it. My mind couldn’t handle it. And I needed a break from the roller coaster that is Fertility Treatments.

Getting to where I am today has not been easy. I longed to be a mom for many years before I became one. It hurt to see women pregnant. It hurt to go to baby showers. It hurt to see women take motherhood for granted. It hurt to see baby bump pictures of all of my friends. It hurt to hear women say, “Oh gosh. I better not be pregnant.” when that was something that I was wanting…no, NEEDING… in my life.

My story begins when I was just 17 years old and was diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I was told at that time that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant, if at all. It made me very sad as you can imagine, being told that in High School, but I don’t think I fully understood how much it would impact my whole entire life. After Tyson and I were married for just six months we had a miracle happen… we were pregnant! But unfortunately, we lost our sweet baby at 10 weeks. Time continued and after three years of treatments, we took a break. I needed it. He needed it. WE needed it. After the year break, I woke up one morning ready to try again. I had taken the time I needed to not think about a baby and to just have fun. I was able to have the best career I could have asked for, went on the most exciting vacations with my best friend and made memories that will last forever. I felt rejuvenated and ready to try again to fill the hole in my heart that I hoped would one day be filled with a baby.

I heard the quote by Gordon B. Hinckley, “You have not failed until you quit trying.” I felt like he was speaking directly at me! I knew I would be a mom one day, I just couldn’t stop trying.

The IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) process is NOT easy. It is heart-wrenchin, money-taking and a full body-changing experience. It isn’t for everyone, but I do believe in taking chances. After 8 failed rounds of clomid and 3 failed IUI’s, IVF was our last hope before adoption. We felt like it was right for us and we went ahead and proceeded with it.

Through our years of Fertility Treatments I learned a lot. There is a lot of preparation that you can do as you decide if IVF is for you. The top four concerns I personally believe would be Financial, Mental, Physical and Emotional. If you find yourself in a situation similar to what I was in, I hope these few points will help you decide if IVF is the right thing for you to do on your journey to become a mother.

1. FINANCIAL: Fertility Treatments are very expensive and many insurance companies do not even cover fertility medications or procedures. Make sure you have enough money to pay for the sweet baby you are trying to have. Many fertility centers will allow you to set up payment plans so you do not have to put all of the money down at once, but I do suggest saving as much as possible beforehand. IVF can cost as much as $20K which is a huge sacrifice on your part. I do want to emphasize though that babies are worth it. Absolutely worth it. They are priceless and it doesn’t matter how much money they may cost you. Once you feel the baby kick for the first time inside of you or hear your baby crying in the hospital room right after birth, all that matters is that they are yours and that your dream of becoming a mom has come true. You will look back and realize it was all worth it.

2. MENTAL: You must be in the right state of mind and be positive. By my third failed fertility treatment, I clearly was not in the right state of mind. I was sad, miserable, angry, quick to lose my temper, stressed and honestly not myself. I recognized that this was a problem and we had to take a year off. Through the InVitro process you go through a lot of changes with different kinds of medications, hundreds of shots, blood being drawn nearly daily and countless tests. You have to be mentally okay for changes to happen, bad news to come and possible changes in your plans. Work on being positive and hopeful. If you don’t believe in miracles, start believing now! It is worth it.

3. PHYSICAL: Your body will go through a lot of physical changes throughout the process and you must be ready for it. Shots, blood being drawn, eggs being extracted, embryos being implanted and hopefully becoming pregnant – your body is guaranteed to go through a huge physical change. At some points I would look at myself and think, “THAT is my body?!” It didn’t feel like what I was use to. And that is completely normal. AND completely worth it. I was so ready to be pregnant, I didn’t care if I gained 40lbs!

4. EMOTIONAL: Think about a woman who is experiencing “the time of the month” and pregnancy ALL at the same time…can you say hormones, Hormones, HORMONES! It truly is an emotional roller coaster. Ups and downs, happiness and sadness, twists and turns. Often times I felt like I was on the part of the roller coast going up and up and up, only to come to the tippy top and experience the biggest drop, full speed, roller coaster ride. It is emotional and exciting! After all, you are creating a baby! SO worth it!

I am grateful for modern medicine. I know that it is such a blessing in our lives today! I do know that IVF often doesn’t work and it is not a perfect process. Every body is different and will react differently to each procedure.

To this day, I don’t understand why so many amazing women who will one day make incredible moms, have to go through such a hard trial. I want you to know… I have been there. I know how it feels. And it is okay to cry. It is okay to be sad. It is hard! I do know one thing and that is that there is a God who loves each and every one of us. No matter the trial. No matter the heartache. He is there and HE has a plan for YOU.

Whether you are in the beginning of the infertility process or have been trying for fifteen years, I want you to know that I do know that miracles happen and that everything happens for a reason. Our family motto is “Great things are worth waiting for” and I know that is true. Whether you become a mom naturally, through fertility treatments, through adoption or through your example and other role in children’s lives {an aunt, an amazing teacher, a wonderful friend} – I know that you hold the most treasured and sacred role, that of motherhood.

I now know that Gordon B. Hinckley’s quote, “You have not failed until you quit trying” is not only for me. Although I felt he was speaking directly to me, he is speaking directly to all of us. Don’t ever give up!

You can read more about my journey to motherhood here.

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Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day!

March 27, 2014 by Danielle Davis | 5 Comments