It was the summer of 2010 and I was a young mom full of hope and optimism. I spent my days taking care of my energetic blue-eyed 18 month old little girl, while simultaneously finishing up my college degree.
Life was good and I was optimistic about the future. I had goals and aspirations, and Preslee, my daughter, was at the center of it all.
On a warm July evening, my husband and I were happily walking out of the movie theatre, enjoying the rare freedom we felt at the moment. We had left Preslee, our 18 month old daughter, with family and were enjoying our first date that we had been on in months.
My husband received an unexpected phone call, and by the tone of his voice, I instantly knew something was wrong.
A police officer was calling to tell us to rush to the local hospital because our daughter was being airlifted there.
Upon arrival, we were greeted by a doctor who informed us our daughter had fallen into a canal and had been found over a mile downstream. We were told that no matter the outcome our lives would drastically change forever.
The doctor was right, because a week later, our daughter passed away in my arms.
Nothing could have prepared me for what was about to come. Grief pounced and depression consumed me. Becoming a mom had been my greatest joy, but being forced to revert back to a childless life was more than I could bear.
It took months for me to readjust to a life without schedules, naptimes, and a little voice calling out “Mama” in the morning.
I remember feeling lost and unsure of what my role was. Though the people close to me reassured me that I was a mom, and always would be, I didn’t feel like one.
I struggled knowing how to live life without a toddler at my feet. And if that wasn’t difficult enough, I quickly noticed my husband was grieving very differently than I was, which left both of us feeling isolated and alone.
After hitting an all-time low, I realized I might have decades left to live, and as difficult as it might be to move forward without my daughter, I knew I needed to strive to find happiness again.
As the pain softened, and I began searching, I found it in the little things I had once taken for granted.
I found happiness in every single milestone that I’ve been able to experience with my four other children. Becoming a mom again after losing Preslee literally saved me.
I found it in my husband’s laugh, which had been stifled by grief for far too long.
And as time has passed, I’ve begun to understand what everyone has been telling me all along… I’m definitely still Preslee’s mom, it just looks differently than it used to.
My little girl continues to teach me that life doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be wonderful. Motherhood comes in many different shapes and sizes and with many ups and downs along the way.
Though motherhood doesn’t look the same for everybody, I strongly believe we have to learn how to appreciate the highs in order to survive the lows.
Though motherhood hasn’t quite turned out the way I thought it would, you better believe I still have goals and aspirations; they’re just a little different than they were seven years ago. Most of my dreams have a deeper meaning now, which stems from everything Preslee has taught me.
I’m striving to live a life worth living and helping as many people as I can along the way.
So I guess you can say Preslee is still at the center of it all, and I might just be the luckiest person there is, because I’m the only person she calls mom.
Ashley Sullenger is a writer and proud mom of five kids. In her spare time she’s usually found baking in the kitchen or hiking the Utah mountains. She currently lives in Salt Lake City, Utah and writes at Sullengers.com You can also find her on Instagram and Facebook.
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Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day! 
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