Motivating Mother – Kimberly Daley

I LOVE hearing from other mothers around the world. It is probably my FAVORITE thing about this blog. I have been inspired by what YOU have written me. I first started this blog for myself. I missed “blogging” and I wanted to start writing again. I then decided I would write things to inspire mothers around the world… I wanted to help ONE person. And if I did that, my job was done. It quickly turned into something more. Something more than I could have EVER imagined.

I LOVE that today we get to hear from another Motivating Mother. I have known my cousin Kimber my whole entire life. She has ALWAYS been the smartest, most thoughtful, funny, best story teller and good example to me. I think if you know Kimber, you can agree with me on EVERY one of those traits. I feel like I have always followed in Kimber’s footsteps. She has been more of a big sister to me than a cousin. In High School, she dated this boy named Matt. I loved hearing her stories. Soon after, I followed in her footsteps and dated this boy name Tyson, who actually kind of reminded me of Matt. I loved that she was able to give me dating tips and advice. A few years later, she supported Matt as he went on a mission for the LDS church. I followed in her footsteps again and supported Tyson as he went on a mission for the LDS church. I loved that she was able to help me get through days when I missed him so much. Kimber then married Matt and I followed in her footsteps and married Tyson. I loved that she was able to show me what a wife was to be. Shortly after, Kimber had a miscarriage and sadly, I then had a miscarriage a few years later as well. Kimber was able to help me through the saddest years of my life as I tried to get pregnant. Kimber is now a mom and I get to be a mom too! I love that she shows me that motherhood is a blessing and can be SO fun!

She has always been an example to me. Whenever I have had a hard time with something, I felt like she had been through it! She has been a wonderful friend and I am grateful for her! She is now a beautiful mother of 2 miracle babies and I am honored to share with you her words on motherhood:

Hi there! My name is Kimber Daley. I’m lucky enough to be Danielle’s cousin, and I’m so touched that she’s asked me to share a few thoughts on motherhood with you!

I have two children – Melissa (5) and Shane (3). And I know we just met, but can I tell you a secret? I don’t like being pregnant. My body doesn’t handle it well. I had a lot of pain and constant sickness. I remember feeling SO guilty when I was pregnant with Melissa, thinking that I was going to be a terrible mom because I wasn’t enjoying my pregnancy. I was beyond thrilled to be pregnant, and after miscarrying my first pregnancy, I was deeply grateful for every day that I was able to carry my baby. But I was miserable! Luckily, I have another memory, much stronger than the guilty one. I vividly remember the night she was born. I was exhausted after a long labor. I was worried because the NICU team had immediately whisked my baby away from me, concerned about the signs of distress that she was showing. I waited for 45 anxious minutes before the doctor and nurses confirmed what I knew – she was absolutely perfect. They brought her over and placed her in my arms … and I changed. I became a new person. The world faded away, and I knew that there was no accomplishment in my entire life as important as this. It was the most sacred moment I’ve experienced. I had suffered, bled, and sacrificed in every way for this little bundle in my arms. And somehow amid the suffering, there was a deep holiness. I learned, in a very tiny way, a bit of what my Savior had done for me. I had given of myself to bring life into the world.

I was a mother.

During the past five and a half years, the biggest lesson I’ve learned is one that every sweet little old lady in the grocery store will tell you: “Enjoy it! It goes so fast!” It’s true, and they are all right – somehow my precious baby girl is in kindergarten, and my tiny little son is a busy preschooler. But how do I savor this time? I can’t slow time down, so what do I do to make the most out of these wonderful years? In case you’re wondering the same thing, here’s the answer I’ve come up with: Be intentional. Choose what you want to spend your time on. If you just allow life to pass day by day, it will. The years will go by, the stages of life will pass, and your kids will grow up. But if you’re intentional with your mothering (if you choose what is important to you and make it happen), I believe you will be much happier with your journey as a mother. Decide what qualities you want to teach your children, and then do something about it. Do you want your children to learn to serve? Pack a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child, or take them to a nursing home, or let them help you make cookies for someone who needs to be cheered up. Want your children to love learning? Read them books, take them to the library, or expose them to art and science and nature everywhere you go. You can even make a mission statement – decide what qualities you want to be developing in your family. Then every day, intentionally do something to teach your children those traits.

I have had a lot of health problems the last few years. They have been getting progressively worse, and I will probably need a hysterectomy within a few months. This has been heartbreaking for me. I have cried and prayed and cried and talked and cried and researched and cried and cried and CRIED. But I have realized a few precious things: I am so grateful for every single moment I’ve had with my babies. I’m grateful for the opportunities I took to simply hold them and love them and savor their littleness. And I have resolved to make good use of these precious years. Their childhood is flying by so fast. I want to savor it, and I want to take this short opportunity I have to teach them the things that are most important to me. I want to mother intentionally.

My favorite thing about motherhood has been watching my children grow and learn and become unique individuals. I’ve been fascinated to see them develop interests that have absolutely nothing to do with me. I’ve been equally fascinated to see little mirrors of myself and of my husband appear sometimes. There are plenty of “Oops” moments, like when I hear my children speaking grumpily and I realize that they are imitating their mom. Those moments help me realize, hum – I have an opportunity to improve. But then there are those precious golden moments that I savor. A few weeks ago we were Christmas shopping when my son saw a great toy. “Can we buy this?” was his plea. Before we could even respond …“Please? Can we buy this and give it to the kids?” After spending all year shopping for Operation Christmas Child, my three-year-old had developed a heart for giving. Not thinking about himself, he saw something that he knew would delight “the kids that don’t have much stuff”, and his first reaction was to want to buy it for them. Those moments are priceless. I treasure them, because they remind me that even though I struggle daily, I doing my best, and I am doing something beautiful. My best is good enough.

If I could give other moms a piece of advice, it would be this: Turn off Pinterest. (Let me read your thoughts here: Danielle, your cousin is crazy, and I don’t like her.) Fair enough. But let me explain.

What happens when you spend a lot of time on Pinterest? You see what everyone else has pinned. This can be really helpful, I know. But here’s the problem: as you look through everyone else’s pins, it’s easy to think like this: “Oh, look at this cute blanket my friend is going to sew for her baby! I really need to learn how to sew. And look at those wholesome meals that this other friend is going to prepare for her family! I need to work on my gardening, and pull out my wheat grinder, and start buying organic foods, and cut out processed junk. Hey, look at this cute scrapbooking idea! Oh man. I’ve only made two pages in my baby’s scrapbook. I’m so lame. And look at this cute busy book idea for Church! She’s such a great mom. All my kids have are coloring books. And wow – what a beautiful outfit she’s pinned! I wish I could afford new clothes – and I wish I could lose this baby weight. Perfect – she’s pinned a weight-loss program! But when am I going to find time to put down my nursing baby and exercise like she does?” And on and on and ON it goes.

Is Pinterest a bad thing? No – I use it myself! But if you find yourself struggling with life and feeling overwhelmed (as we moms frequently do) – just turn it off. Stop comparing your to-do list with everyone else’s. Stop pinning the hundreds of things you might maybe sometime try. Take a little bit of quiet time for yourself. Find something simple you can do that will energize you. And then choose ONE thing you want to do today. As I said before, be intentional. Don’t just kill time until bedtime – think of a lesson you want your kids to learn today, and run with it. Because I promise you that almost everything you do for your children will be forgotten. But they will remember the time you spent with them, and they will remember the values you taught them. My children, when they’re adults, won’t look back on their childhood and say, “My mom was the perfect homemaker, chef, scrapbooker, artist, athlete, musician, and seamstress” – and that’s okay. But if they look back and say, “My mom sure loved me. She made me feel special, and she taught me to be a good person” – well then, I’ve done my job. I’ve created my masterpiece.

Even if the journey will never be perfectly scrapbooked.

Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day!

January 3, 2014 by Danielle Davis | 4 Comments