You know that mom who just can’t seem to let go of their child’s hand on the playground? You know that mom that runs to their baby’s side as soon as another baby steals their toy? You know that mom who is worried sick about their kid climbing up the stairs at the park because they think they are going to fall and crack their head open? You know that mom who is constantly disinfecting everything their child touches because they don’t want them to get sick? You know that mom who packs 2 bags of sunscreen, toys, juice boxes, fruit and extra water just to go to the park for a little while because you can never be too prepared?
I have a confession. I am that mom. Some may call me “the helicopter mom.”
“Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch” is the sound a helicopter makes as its blades circle around. It is also the sound I sometimes hear from my husband when he is reminding me of the type of mom I am being. And then I evaluate the situation and realize I am being a “hoverer.”
A helicopter parent (also called a cosseting parent or simply a cosseter) is a parent who pays extremely close attention to a child’s or children’s experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover overhead. {Source: Google}
I am 100% sure I am the mom with the big red letters stamped on my forehead “FIRST TIME MOM” everywhere we go – so I like to use that as my excuse and reason behind my helicopter mom issues. You with me?!
I was the mom that struggled transferring my baby from her basinet to her own crib. I checked on her at least 30 times a night to make sure she was still breathing. I constantly worry about choking, drowning and sickness. AND I cry just thinking of one day having to send her off to Kindergarten. We can’t even talk about it!
You see, at the park, to the world I am your average mom of a one-year-old who loves to be outside and have fun with my girl. They see a 20-something woman, twinning with her baby girl that she thinks is her real life doll, sliding, chasing and laughing. They see me hold her hand and climb up the stairs with her. They even see me walk across the bridge and slide down the slide. Yes, I am that mom. To some on the outside, I am the typical helicopter mom. I just can’t seem to let her go. I just can’t seem to just sit on the park bench and play on my phone. I am constantly by her and watching her like a hawk.
But what the world doesn’t see, is what is in my heart. They don’t see how my body ached to be a mom for many, many years before I became one. They can’t feel the shots and pricks I felt in my body just to get pregnant. They never heard the tearful prayers and begging for a miracle to happen in my life. They don’t see how my heart is now full because I have my own baby, which we thought would never be possible! They can’t hear the doctor’s voice in my head saying that she might be my only baby… ever. They don’t understand that I need her, just as much as she needs me.
So what’s with the helicopter moms? Why is that mom at the park not able to let go? Why is that mom in the parking lot crying at the school? Why do some moms hover and pay extremely close attention to their children?
1. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH
2. THEY ARE JUST TRYING THEIR BEST
3. EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT
4. THEY LOVE THEIR CHILD{REN}
You probably see helicopter moms all around town – at the store, at school, at playgroup. The truth is, we don’t know why she is like that. Maybe she struggled getting pregnant. Maybe she lost a child. Maybe her child needs help. Maybe it is what makes her happy. Maybe it is what she feels is right.
Don’t we all want our children to know we will catch them when they fall? Don’t we all want our children to know that we love, support and encourage them?
The time is going to come when I have to step back and let my girl spread her wings. I will have to raise my helicopter and no longer hover. But for now – I will enjoy every hug, every cry, every cuddle, every kiss. Every time she doesn’t want to go to a stranger or friend and only wants her mom. I will enjoy holding her hand in class. and at the park. and at church. and at the store. I will enjoy helping her color her picture. and laying by her for a few minutes at night. Because one day she isn’t going to want me to be the “helicopter mom” and I am going to have to change. but right now – she likes it. and I like it too.
Maybe there needs to be more moms who love, who teach, who read, who play, who listen, who try to understand. Maybe there needs to be more guidance, more eyes on the children, more cheers, more encouragement and more support. Maybe there needs to be more laughs, tickles, friendships and memories. And maybe after all – there needs to be more moms. More helicopter moms.
Are you a helicopter mom? OR do you know of someone who is? When does the helicopter mom have to rise and not hover? I would LOVE to hear from you! Don’t forget to share this with your mama friends!
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Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day! 
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Lynne
February 15, 2016 at 12:13 pm (9 years ago)When all 9 of my little ones were little, I helicoptered on the playground because I really did not trust other kids around my babies and early toddlers. my older children also became extra helicopters over the little ones, but I think eventually the problem with “helicoptering” is that it can get in the way when children become older, and I think that is the problem sometimes. I used to tell my kids, in the grown-up world if you were a lawyer you couldn’t tell a judge “Hold on, Sir< we need a recess because I left my briefcase and notes at the office. Let me just call my secretary and have her bring it here." So I had to pull away from them relying on me to bring their homework to them etc. Now I did have a soft heart when it came to lunch, teacher was given a little case for lunch money if they forgot their lunch at home. I did start home schooling because some of my children were not getting the education they needed, but my rules were the same, I am not doing your homework for you. They eventually will have to live in the grown-up world and I can't always be there. I can hope that big brothers and sisters and little brothers and sisters will be able to jump in when I can't. I still worry when they at 13 want to walk to the store or the park on their own, they go with friends. I drill them on the safety rules and have to let them go.
I would never dream that an over protective mother of a young child is a Helicopter, it's when the child is 18 and the parent is still "holding their child's hand and going down the slide with them" as it were that helicopter parents are not good for their children. I have 3 adult children, they make their own way, I listen to their problems, I babysit my grand daughters when there is a need, but I let them live their life as long as there is no harm to the children (and there isn't). My other son struggles with the reality of being married and living on his own and having to make a budget, I can't make his budget for him. However if they are facing a shut off I do help, because no one should be without heat regardless. My other adult daughter makes her own friends, suffers through some heart aches and I watch helplessly and I know her pain, but she knows her grades in University are her own not a reflection of me, but a reflection of her, her relationships are not mine they are her's.
Most helicopter mom's live their lives as if the children are an extension of their lives and that is the problem when they start getting older.
katie d
October 26, 2015 at 4:53 pm (9 years ago)No need to try and justify any ‘helicopter mom’ traits with anything that may have happened in the past, etc! I think it’s great! Since when have people started judging mothers for wanting to play and protect their kids? To me, people stamping mothers with phrases like ‘helicopter mom’ seem to be trying to justify their own shortcomings. I’d much rather be ‘helicopter mom’ than ‘iphone mom’ anyday! Keep up the good and loving work x
Kristin Owens
February 3, 2015 at 4:31 pm (10 years ago)Love love love! I am that mom. Though my struggles amd reasons behind it all are different than yours. I get it. People tell me all the time that I’m over protective and I am not letting my children go enough. Well to them, they dont know my heart or the trials I have been through. Great article! Thank you!
Brandy
February 2, 2015 at 10:06 pm (10 years ago)I love this article! I cried reading this because I am that mom…that helicopter mom. I get teased and poked at for not “letting go” as some people say. Let me explain why…I am the mom to a beautiful 13 month old little girl named Grace Abigail. I tried for 15 YEARS in my first marriage to have a child. I cried, I pleaded, I begged God. I made God promises, bargains, whatever he needed to give me a child. Then I got angry. Angry at all the moms where it seemed to come so easy. Then divorce came, then struggles of being single for the first time in my life, then marriage to my second wonderful husband! My daughter’s name was chosen because no matter the struggles my husband and I have been through, no matter how many times we have lost our way with God (believe me it was many), despite all of that our heavenly father still showed us both GRACE by giving us our precious baby girl. Abigail from the bible as well, she was the wife of King David and described as intelligent and beautiful and it’s meaning is “a father’s joy”. Now I look at her and think still after 13 months this is too good to be true! I feel an overwhelming need to know where she is at all times, to be right next to her just in case she needs me or she falls or she just wants to be picked up. I do not feel bad about being overly attentive 🙂 I don’t think I need to let go any. She is social, she is not shy, she talks, she’s been walking since 9 months, she’s off the bottle, she’s off the pacifier, she has friends, she plays well by herself when we are at home, she plays well with others, she is strong willed and she loves to laugh, clap, dance, give kisses, give hugs….what else could I ask for? I think she is amazing for being raised by a “helicopter mom” 🙂 Much love to you Danielle my fellow “Ch Ch Ch” mom!!
maryn
January 12, 2015 at 12:51 am (10 years ago)I dunno if I am one of those mama’s Sometimes I wish I was sometimes I do not watch my children like a hawk (my sister in law went through her own share of infertility issues and she I like a helicopter mama and I respect her for it)I feel encouraged actually from reading your article on your blog and want to actually try to be THAT mom so, Thank you!<3
Deborah @ mommycrusader
November 16, 2014 at 10:08 pm (10 years ago)I think you raise a beautiful point. Raising children is about time and attention and those children are all miracles. Sometimes, we take them a bit for granted.
Dana
November 11, 2014 at 9:37 am (10 years ago)Thank you for sharing! People are so quick to judge each other and should consider the fact that their own “normal” behaviour stems from their privileges…other people have not had it as easy.
Kerra
November 11, 2014 at 1:39 am (10 years ago)I love this Danielle!! You story/reason made me think of my mom who after years of trying, being told she couldn’t have kids, an adoption that fell through last minute, a pregnancy that miscarried, then FINALLY adopting me, had her little girl. She still talks about how over protective she was. But you know what? I cannot imagine feeling more loved or secure as a child. I am not joking when I say I had the perfect childhood. I think we need more moms like you and mine in this world. Whatever the reason may be. I have 5 boys, and I still dote on everything I can, play with them at the park, be the tickle monster on the trampoline, as much as I can. And now to see my older boys “hovering” over their little brothers warms my heart.
Ginny
November 11, 2014 at 1:34 am (10 years ago)At only one, you need to be aware and around. Its when they get a bit older, you need to learn to let go. You need to teach your kids how to deal with problems on their own. When they start getting old enough to deal with those situations.
I think the issue with helicopter moms is once they hit preschool or grade school. That is when parents need to start letting go and teaching kids how to deal with conflicts.
You may not always like your teacher, but that is a great life lesson for when you don’t get along with your boss or coworker for that matter.
Enjoy your daughters age, hover now when she truly needs you for everything. But also keep in mind your goal is for her to be an independent strong woman.
Also you will never please everyone. You know in your heart what your child needs. You will make mistakes and that is ok.