Amanda grew up in Henderson, Nevada and met her eternal companion at Utah State where they were both studying Mechanical Engineering. Together they’ve been on quite the adventure living in 4 states, earning 3 degrees post bachelor’s, adding three kids and now chickens, cats and bunny all in 7 years of marriage. She enjoys reading, organizing, creating and running. She recently crossed off finishing her first half marathon on her bucket list. She was a fitness instructor for Fit4Mom where she gained an appreciation and deep passion for finding a village in motherhood.
Remember in school when your teacher would go over the assignment and you thought “I’ve got this!” only to get home and have no idea what you’re doing. Well sometimes (okay maybe most of the time) that’s motherhood for me, and maybe for you too. And what I need in my life is my best friend who’s also in class with me, and between the two of us, we can figure out what we’re doing, and maybe with a bit less Google.
I’ve heard the saying too many times to count “It takes a village to raise kids.” Not only do kids need great influences in their lives from parents, grandparents, friends, aunts and uncles, but mom’s need THEIR village; their people for them personally, as a mom, as a whole and complete person too. They need people to see them as a person and not just Johnny’s Mom.
I’ve been a mom for five years and I’ve had to find my village multiple times. We moved four weeks, six weeks, and then 12 weeks after each kid respectively. Let’s just say we have moved a lot. (And this doesn’t count the first move the month after we got married!) Go big or go home!
With each new move, I’ve been in a new role as a mother, first time mom, mom of two kids, and now, mom of three kids. Not only was I trying to find the balance in my new “Mom” role, I was doing it in a completely new state; I was starting over. But there has been one thing consistent in each phase of motherhood, I’ve found my village. They’ve looked different but they were there in every stage. Some, I would say were thrust upon me, some were there and I joined in with them and others I created. And I would say there are all still part of a village for me.
I would not have been able to get through the tough times or enjoy the good times of life without them. They were there when I ugly cried about motherhood being too hard. They were there to celebrate my kids’ birthdays. They were there with meals when I had a baby or was moving. They showed up late to help me finish packing and move along with chocolate cake and ice cream. They were there for mom’s nights just to chat and enjoy some adult conversation. They are still there miles away or down the street, just a text away, waiting to uplift, console, and laugh with me. And they will always be there.
photo from pixabay.com
Here are some ways to “find” your village:
1. BE TRUE TO YOURSELF & ACCEPT OTHERS: Only you know how to be the best you. Women, definitely myself included, get caught in the comparison trap. To really make connections with other women, be yourself. The goofy, awkward, pajama wearing you, or the you that gets ready every day, eats healthy and loves exercise because it is what makes you unique. BE YOU! Not someone else. As you are authentic, you will attract the friends that will help make you a better you. You will connect deeper as you are truly yourself.
On the flip side, accept others as they come. Don’t pass judgement if you don’t want to be judged. I think when we embrace one another and who we all truly are, we love one another even more fiercely.
One dear friend of mine has a life very different yet similar to mine. What I love about her, is she accepts me for who I am and what I believe, and I the same to her. You don’t need to have everything in common to be friends with someone. Most of my closest friends have lifestyles, hobbies, and backgrounds completely opposite than mine. We don’t judge each other because we are different, we embrace our differences. We chat about how we parent different and gain more perspective from one another. We may be different, but we are all trying to get through life as mothers with the same goal, raising these little people.
2. BE VULNERABLE & ASK: I was struggling really bad one day, and felt alone. NO one understood how I felt. I was new to the area and not sure who I could turn to. I called up my friend and just spit everything out on my mind, knowing she wouldn’t judge me. What was amazing was that she had been through the exact thing I was struggling with. She knew exactly how I felt. This has happened not once, but twice with this friend. I would have had no idea until I opened up and let myself be vulnerable with my so called “dirty laundry”. No judging came from her, she didn’t love me less, and maybe she loved me even more. The more vulnerable you can be, the more others can see the whole you and not just the picture you put up.
Asking for help is so hard, but at the same time, don’t we all want to feel needed? Ask that friend for help, even if you just became friends. Most women would help anyone if they ask. That’s what a village is for.
After having my third child, I was planning my fourth Trimester recovery. I put down some village friends, my exercise moms, on my list to help get groceries. As my husband questioned this task from them, I said, this is what we do. We are there for each other. I know I can ask them for anything and they will be there. That’s what a village is for.
3. TRY SOMETHING NEW & GET UNCOMFORTABLE: When we moved to Arizona, I found myself feeling lonely. I had 2 kids under two and had moved two times in the last six months. My friend had invited me a couple times to her workout group, a mom’s workout group. Finally, I said yes. Even after going I was iffy about joining, I had just joined a gym, it was more money, but I took the plunge. Now, this may not be for everyone, but this was the village I was missing. I took a chance, tried something new and found something I didn’t even know I was missing until I found it. Not only was it an exercise group, but they had after class playgroups, mom’s night outs, the whole thing. They became my village.
I wondered why my village in Arizona was so close though we all were so different. My husband suggested it was because we show up in gym clothes, sweat together and then spend time together. We literally saw each other gross and sweaty and loved each other with our whole hearts. We saw each other do hard things and be uncomfortable. I showed up as me, take it or leave it, and they loved me.
Now I’ve moved once again, and hopefully the last for a while. I knew I personally needed something to fill that void with losing my village in Arizona. So once again I took the plunge, I started my own playgroup. I invited and keep inviting random moms I meet.
Yes, I’m the awkward stranger who finds out you have kids under five, live within 20 min of me and, soon enough, invites you to join our village. Some I’ve been friends with for years and some are new friends. We are all in different stages of life, but we all have something in common- we need each other.
I started the playgroup because I need other moms, it’s not really for my kids. They become best friends with whatever kid is at the playground at that moment. But for me, I need adult interaction and other women to chat with, I need my village.
So, that text you keep getting about a playgroup this week, that mom you see every day at soccer, your neighbor who also is going through the terrible twos or just sent off her first kindergartener; take the plunge.
Be yourself, get uncomfortable, and be true to yourself as you find the village for you. Not every village you find will be right and not everyone will fill every need you have. I challenge you to find one that embraces you the way you are, but makes you strive to be better. We are all going through this, let’s do it together. Let’s be a village.
Join the newsletter
Danielle is the owner of Today's the Best Day. She strives to provide creative and uplifting content in order to enrich the parenting experience for women everywhere. Danielle hopes to help you and your family to make every day the best day! 
Google+